A squirrels tale
Got this story on an email from Mikey the another day. Quite thought provking, especially after hearing on the news that Learco Chindamo, 26, is to been given a new identity/house/benefits along with the rest of his family after serving a 12-year jail sentence for murder. The Italian born scumbag murdered head teacher and father of two Philip Lawrence who tried to stop him beating the shit out of one of his pupils. Apparently Learco cannot be deported back to Italy because he doesn't speak Italian and therefore it would be an infringement of his "human rights". Newspapers are barred from revealing his new identity or location and the family will receive 24hr police protection - at a cost of millions of pounds to taxpayers. Ah well on with the stories.REST OF THE WORLD TALE
The squirrel works hard in the withering heat all summer long, building and improving his house and laying up supplies for the winter.
The grass hopper thinks he's a fool, and laughs and dances and plays the summer away.
Come winter, the squirrel is warm and well fed.
The shivering grasshopper has no food or shelter, so he dies out in the cold.
THE END
THE BRITISH TALE
The squirrel works hard in the withering heat all summer long, building and improving his house and laying up supplies for the winter.
The grass hopper thinks he's a fool, and laughs and dances and plays the summer away.
Come winter, the squirrel is warm and well fed.
A social worker finds the shivering grasshopper, calls a press conference and demands to know why the squirrel should be allowed to be warm and well fed while others less fortunate, like the grasshopper, are cold and starving. The BBC shows up to provide live coverage of the shivering grasshopper; with cuts to a video of the squirrel in his comfortable warm home with a table laden with food.
The British press inform people that they should be ashamed that in a country of such wealth, this poor grasshopper is allowed to suffer so, while others have plenty. The Labour Party, Greenpeace, Animal Rights and The Grasshopper Council of GB demonstrate in front of the squirrel's house.
The BBC, interrupting a cultural festival special from Notting Hill with breaking news, broadcasts a multi cultural choir singing "We Shall Overcome". Ken Livingstone rants in an interview with Trevor McDonald that the squirrel got rich off the backs of grasshoppers, and calls for an immediate tax hike on the squirrel to make him pay his "fair share" and increases the charge for squirrels to enter inner London.
In response to pressure from the media, the Government drafts the Economic Equity and Grasshopper Anti Discrimination Act, retroactive to the beginning of the summer. The squirrels taxes are reassessed. He is taken to court and fined for failing to hire grasshoppers as builders form the work he was doing on his home and an additional fine for contempt when he told the court the grasshopper did not want to work.
The grasshopper is provided with a council house, financial aid to furnish it and an account with a local taxi firm to ensure he can be socially mobile. The squirrels food is seized and redistributed to the more needy members of society, in this case the grasshopper. Without enough money to buy more food, to pay the fine and his newsly imposed retro-active taxes, the squirrel has to downsize and start building a new home. The local authority takes over his old home and utilises it as a temporary home for asylum seeking cats who had hijacked a plane to get to Britain as they had to share their country of origin with mice. On arrival they tried to blow up the airport beause of Britains apparent love of dogs.
The cats had been arrested for the international offence of jijacking and attempted bombing but were immediately released because the police fed the pilchards instead of salmon whilst in custody.
Initial moves to then return them to their own country were abandoned because it was feared they would face death by the mice. The cats devise and start a scam to obtain money from peoples credit cards.
A Panorama special shows the grasshopper finishing up the last of the squirrels food, though spring is still months away, while the council house he is in, crumbles around him because he hasn't bothered to maintain the house. He is shown to be taking drugs. Inadequate government funding is blamed for the grasshoppers drug "illness".
The cats seek recompense in the British courts for their treatment since arrival in UK.
The grasshopper gets arrested for stabbing an old dog during a burglary to get money for his drugs habit. He is imprisoned but released immediatgely because he has been in custody for a few weeks. He is placed in the care of the probation service to monitor and supervise him. Within a few weks he has killed a guinea pig in a botched robbery. A commission of enquiry, that will eventually cost £10,000 and state the obvious is set up. Addition money is put into funding a drug rehabilitation scheme for grasshoppers and legal aid for lawyers representing asylum seekers is increased.
The asylum seeking cats are praised by the Government for enriching Britains multicultural diversity and dogs are criticised by the Government for failing to befriend the cats.
The grasshopper dies of a drug overdose. The usual sections of the Press blame it on the obvious failure of Government to address the root causes of despair arising from social inequality and his traumatic experience of prison. They call for the resignation of a minister.
The cats are paid £1m pounds each beause their rights were infringed when the Government failed to inform them there were mice in the United Kingdom
The squirrel, the dogs and the victims of the hijacking, the bombing, the burglaries and robberies have to pay an additional percentage on their credit cards to cover losses, their taxes are increased to pay for law and order and they are told that they will have to work beyond 65 because of a shortfall in Government funds.
THE END
posted by Frobisher at
10:19 PM
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