Random facts

I have been tagged by Lippy, some sort of thing where you have to give random facts about yourself. Great fun, but I did sort of run out of steam - not as easy as you think.

1. I used to swim for the County (Wiltshire) in my early teens, and have the medals to prove it.

2. I have a beauty spot on the side of my nose which some cruel people call a wart.

3. Frobisher is not my real name - it's a nickname.

4. I am not a rat.

5. I can roll a joint one-handed.

6. I used to donate sperm to the local fertility clinic back in the 80s, I had a very high sperm count and used to get paid £15 a pop! (there could be millions of me out there).

7. I have had dinner in the Post Office Tower when there was a restaurant there (shut down cause of the threat of IRA bombings).

8. I have slept with Kevin Spacey.

9. I am one quarter French!

10. I used to have preminitions when younger which were spookily accurate, told to me by an invisible friend. They stopped when I hit puberty.

Always carry the right change

I do hope that Beast and Mutley have taken their coin purses with them on holiday to Greece.

Scamming

A million centuries ago, plants said 'High' to animals. Roots and seeds seduced tongues and stomachs. Vine, leaf and resin interplayed with hand, heart, and mind. Drinking, smelling and sucking were the order, but not the regulation, of the day.

And Nature said, 'Higher'.

A pyramid here and a pyramid there.

Gargling, sniffing, smoking, puking and starving for God, Shiva and the Sun. Who'll have the booze? Who'll have the blow? Who'll have a line? Who gets the fun?

"I've got the dope. But stick to my brand. Use any other dope and it'll kill you. Don't do this. Don't do that. That fruity stuff is verboten.'

Nature asked, 'Why?'

So fuck you, and let's smuggle cider into the Garden of Eden? Adam's apples are shite. Eve's cool she calls it a SCAM. Smuggling Cocaine, Alcohol and Marijuana. But is the Snake a grass?

Howard Marks, Introduction to "Snowblind" by Robert Sabbag

Turkish Delight

Hello! last Friday I joined my old pals John & Patrick up in London for the weekend. I was going to go up by train - has anyone actually been on a train recently? Tried going on SWT Trains and Virgin Trains websites for times/prices, etc. How confusing! you more or less had to fill out a census form for them, there were dozens of ticket options - when all you wanted was times/fares. Why do they make things so complicated. So fuck 'em I went by coach, the National Express website was a dream and I did all the booking online and even printed my own ticket off! how things change.

The journey up was a doodle and bang on time leaving and arriving. Made my way on the tube to Holburn and met my old disco-sister John and visited a few pubs. A little bit pissed later we made our way to Stoke Newington where he lives. Later on off for a few more drinks and off to a fabulous Turkish restaurant called "Bos Cirrick". I had chopped fried lambs liver with a cucumber yoghurt dip followed by charcoal grilled chicken with pitta bread in a yoghurt & spice and tomato sauce. Yummm.

Rose and shone a little late on Saturday and popped down to the Borough market by the side of the Thames. It's been years since I've been and was amazed at how the area has been transformed, it used to be quite a quiet area but now busy and lively. The market was very "foodie" with exotic cheeses, wines & meat (all expensive) + more drinks in Ye Olde London Taverns.

After a leisurely Saturday night dinner and fortified by a few shots of Absinthe (how many???) we made our way over to the local poof bar The Oak Bar for Yalla! a Turkish gay night, Stoke Newington being quite a Turkish/Cypriot area. The first shock (apart from trying to cross the road pissed on Absinthe) was the admission price £6! and then pints of Stella Artois (lager - nicknamed wife-beater) at £3.30 each!! Things started hotting up at midnight with the arrival of the male belly dancers! they were actually very good, if a little camp. Still it was good fun, although the men weren't much to look at , most of them looked like they'd just finished their shift at the local kebab house (unlike the girls who were beautiful with coffee coloured skin, hourglass figures and masses of corkscrew curly hair). There was a couple of diamonds in the rough, but I was politely ignored. I thought us white boys would be something exotic for them, still clinging to the bar to stop falling over prob. not an attractive look - god that Absinthe was trippy, make sure you get the stuff with wormwood in. Finally got to bed (alone) at 3.30am.

Sunday was a late start as well - still felt pissed from the night before. So went for a walk up the high street. Stoke Newington has unfortunatley changed, lots of the old shops have gone. I blame the "Yummy Mummies" horrid creatures who think by having the latest fashion handbag they have reached a higher level of consciousness. They have horrid children with names like "Jocasta". They say things like "I'm loving this new look" - what's wrong with saying "I love this new look" - stuck up bitches drinking their "skinny lattes" and pushing designer prams reading the Observer/Independant/Guardian. Their spiritual home is Notting Hill, but they've been pushed out by mega prices there so have moved on to pastures new. Already a Starbucks is being built, a great bookshop has been replaced by a designer kids shop called "Ollie loves Olive". They consider themselves cutting edge and uber-trendy living here. Still, occasionally one of them gets mugged by a local which warms the cockles of your heart. I suppose everything has to change but its such a shame that one of the few character areas of London is disappearing.

Then off to some little festival in Clissold Park and a couple of Red Stripe "straighteners" it was time for the journey home. Hogged two seats on the coach back and snored the whole journey back!

Woof woof woof

Hello Lloyd!

Woof woof woof wooooof, ruff!

I'm back, but no real post cause I have a sniffle :(

Don't worry I'm sure I can summon hidden reserves of strength to fight this off. Meanwhile don't forget the final of "The Apprentice" tomorrow!

Borstal Boy off to the Big Smoke

Time for a change, fed up of daytime TV so I'm fucking off to London for a few days, staying in Stoke Newington. Don't know what I'll be up to, but it'll be nice to get a change of scenery & catch up with some old friends.

Stolly boycott!

Well it seems my last post has kicked up a storm. There's a boycott of Stolichnaya Russian Vodka going on in the States (well New York & California - which is America really). Uppity American Gays have taken it upon themselves to boycott Stolly, which is the 3rd largest selling brand over there. You might remember it from "absolutely fabulous" TV comedy, it was Patsy's favourite tipple. The boycott is in protest at the treatment of the people at Moscow's Gay Pride event which was broken up, our Peter Tatchell received a beating. Russia seems to be pedalling backwards at the moment.

Unfortunely the Bournemouth coach was cancelled as people realised it clashed with Dr. Who and most of the Lesbians were rioting at the G8 summit. We here at Chez Naff have already begun drinking "Happy Shopper" vodka - much cheaper and who can tell? But drink "du jour" is Brandy Sours. Here's the recipe!

3 parts/measures "Happy Shopper" Brandy

1& half parts Sugar Syrup (mix pound of sugar with litre of water over heat till dissolved, then bottle and chill in fridge, lasts for ever!)

juice of half a lemon

shake with ice and pour into glasses! Enjoy! Chtob vse byli zdorovy

Tinky Winky and Weapon of Mass Seduction?

Tinky Winky and Peter Tatchell have been flying the Rainbow Flag in Eastern Europe with disasterous results. Poor Peter received "the second worst beating of my life" in Moscow the other week. He was one of 40 lesbians and gays who assembled outside the Moscow Town Hall for Moscow Gay Pride. They were attacked by neo-Nazis, Russian Orthodox fundamentalists, nationalist extremists all in collusion with the Moscow Police and Russia's elite anti-riot squad the OMON.

Peter said:

“There is no rule of law in Moscow. The right to protest does not exist. Russia is not a democracy,” said Mr. Tatchell

“Today's protest was about much more than gay rights. The Moscow Mayor's decision to ban the Gay Pride march turned the event into a free speech protest. We were defending the right to freedom of expression and peaceful protest. These freedoms are important for all Russians, gay and straight.

“The ban on Moscow Gay Pride is one aspect of a much wider attack on civil society and human rights. It is evidence of a failed transition from communism to democracy and of a growing trend towards autocracy and authoritarianism,” he added.

Gay people in Eastern Europe don't live in gay-friendly countries; their battles aren't won like the relative freedom we have here in England. In Poland the Mayor of Warsaw, Poland's current President banned Pride, adding that "it would be dangerous for our civilsation to put homosexual rights on equal footing". These sort of sentiments are voiced by lawmakers from Sofia to Vilnius. The fall of Communism has not really opened the countries to enlightenment and tolerance we have in the west, in fact they seem to stuck in a mind-set of about 50 years ago. Not just the poofs, racism is endemic and women get a pretty raw deal.

Even poor Tinky Winky has suffered from homophobia in Poland where it is rife and sanctioned by a bigoted Government. Some dopey tart called Ewa Sowinska, a Polish govenrment watchdog for children's rights says Tinky carrying a handbag "may have a homosexusal undertone". This sort of thinking in Poland isn't unusal the President calls gay "perverts" and bans gay demonstrations. Meanwhile in England a rise in racial assaults by Polish immigrants against blacks & asians is causing concern, with many schools now teaching racial awareness to new immigrant children to ease tensions. They just don't have blacks & asians in Eastern Europe.

This year Gay Pride has chose to twin with Riga in Latvia and Amnesty International seeks to embarrass the Latvian authorities into defending the democratic right to demonstrate. I personally won't be going to Latvia (recently joined the European Union), but people are willing to travel over there and put their safety on the line for basic human rights. Feels a bit like the freedom marches in the American South - only in place of "uppity Northern Negros" read "uppity Western gays" & their friends. I think Russia will be a lost cause for many years.

I know that Eastern Europeans have been asked to cram into a few years cultural changes that took generations in the West but they signed up for a package deal by joining Western Europe in the EEC. You just can't cherry pick what you want (Access to our markets, generous subsidies, freedom of travel, etc.)

Join the 21st Century or fuck off back to the dark ages.

Well back to the usual filth, what do you think of this picture of George 'Dubya' Bush? back in his tooting & drinking days? Ah it was all looking so promising then. Weapon of Mass Destruction? Not quite.