Film reviews

Well just got back from the cinema. Went to see Casino Royale with Daniel Craig as the new 007, what a great action film. A bit of a long one, two and a half hours, but it went quickly and action-packed from the beginning. Go See. Went to see the film "Borat" the week before, perhaps one of the funniest films I've seen at the cinema. People were laughing so hard that you missed the odd line. Think I'll see it again or wait for it to come out on DVD.

Harem - the final approaches

Well its been a funny old week. My TV on Tuesday appearance went swimmingly, you were all right about keeping an eye on Marilyn, the devious mare. When I went round to pick her up she came out like a garishly painted Aunt Sally doll and stunk of cheap perfume. Despite my advise she insisted on wearing her home-knitted waistcoat to which she had added a "fringe" to. It seemed a long drive to the Auction House in Wareham, what with M clucking animatedly all the way. When we parked up my Dolce & Gabbana specticals had gone missing.

"Why don't you drive back and get them", she trilled. "If you hurry it should be ok". I immediately smelt a rat and insisted on an inch-by-inch search of the car. Low and behold they happened to be under the passenger seat. "Goodness" she said "how on earth did they get there?". I fixed her with a steely glare. It was difficult to tell if she was blushing under the caked make-up. I made her pay for the parking, claiming I'd forgotten my wallet.

I lot of hanging about, charging coffee and sandwiches to the TV company's bill, flirting outrageously with the cameramen - and then we were microphoned up and took our places. Just before the cameras started rolling Marilyn darted between me and David Dickenson and caught me in the ribs with her elbow. It was all over in a minute and we got £220 pounds for the clock and picture! Result! Hopefully I shall try and do a "You Tube" thingy so you can all see my debut. Also one of the cameramen, Clive, reckoned he knew a few producers and would make sure he drew me to their attention. I am meeting him in a lay-by off the A4 at midnight tonight to discuss my career options, keep you fingers crossed this could be my big opening.

Afterwards, a celebration lunch on Wareham Quay at some pub (Marilyn paid) a tour of the local charity shops, a visit the the oldest church in Dorset (shut), off to Wareham Museum (shut) and finally tea and coffee cake at some Ye Olde Tea Rooms.

And we have whittled down the main applicants for the male section of the harem. Winner announced soon - still time for those last minute entries. So let take a look at the applicants:-

1. Steven - recently split up from his partner looking for something new.




2. Harry - hobbies including swimming and doing charity work






3. Igor - from some weird ex-Russian state - not sure about this one seems to have a wart on the end of his todger (double click and then enlarge) - see what I mean?








4. Stuart - from Wales and working in a steel mill - apparently desperate to get to England.

5. Todd, ex-marine, has offered to have "Frobisher" tatooed across his shoulders - a strong contender.



6. Good God! it's my old fiance Princess Dominica from Benin!! and she even enclosed a begging letter. Cheek. Back of the queue Bitch.



7. Carlos - an interior decorator from Madrid. Yuk! I shall pass this one on to Beast.

8. Simon - from Bridport in DORSET. I don't think so, all those snack foods will soon make him balloon.

9. Mr Golden Shred - Im sure I've seen him before.

Sunday post

Hurrah! the digital camera and the computer are talking to themselves again. Basically just had to delete & reload the Canon Utilities program again. I frighten myself sometimes.

This is a shot of my first TV appearence (soon to be aired). As you can see Marilyn has made sure she has the best lit side of the table, grrr . . . don't you think her "showboating" is enough to make you heave?

On a more serious note I was struck down with food poisoning last night. I ate some out-of-date guacamole round Jackie's friends house and spent all last night throwing up, so feeling a little delicate today. I even missed the X-Factor so will be catching up with the repeat today.

Toodle Pip

TV career update

Yes the day draws close for Frobishers' second TV appearence. Off to Blandford this Tuesday with Marilyn (senior Harem member) for the Auction section of the TV show "Deal or no Deal". After refusing the paltry amount offered by the "expert" we have gone straight to the highlight of the show - the live auction. The Auction house has placed a reserve of £60 for our clock and picture! We have to wear the same clothes as the first programme as, I suppose, got to edit the all the footage for the public. I do hope Marilyn keeps herself in check, she lit up like a beacon when the cameras were on and I got the distinct feeling she was trying to hog the camera. She's got a fight on her hands, I have been practising in front of the mirror and working on a few jokes to crack in front of the camera - I'm sure im going to make a big impression.

Well afterwards perhaps a pub lunch, meeting Sarah from the Swanage office and hubby George so will sample a few of those country real ales - not tho' "Speckelled Hen" which almost killed me the next day with the hangover. I wonder if I should employ an agent?

Set your VCR's people

Gloss or grit?

Well the Government has launched a new sexual health campaign. Scary huh? of course not. This poster will not do anything to curb the ever increasing incidents of sexually transmitted diseases, other posters in the series feature sex disease names on panties and jewellery. A recent survey revealed that only 20% of 18-24 years olds carry a condom on a big night out. The amount of money put into this campaign is a paltry £4m pounds. Is nobody seriour about it? It is shocking the way people have become matter-a-fact about STI's, just look at the amount of "bareback" porn movies there are these days. It DOES send out a message. I propose that as part of sexual education in schools all youngsters should be made to read the following letter from the JoeMyGod blog with one guys stuggle of living with HIV.

Hi, Joe --

I am sixteen years into being positive. Ten of those years I have been on a triple combination of Crixivan, Epivir and AZT. The first few years, once I got over the constant stomach cramps and nausea, were okay. My blood numbers improved and I eventually reached undetectable levels of HIV.

But I only had about six months between the end of the stomach cramps and the beginning of intermittent diarrhea. It's gotten so bad that I'm afraid to fart, because a couple of times I thought that was what I was doing and I ended up shitting myself instead. You can imagine what sort of stomach cramps I get sometimes after lunch. I now keep Depends (Depends! -- I'm not old enough for diapers!) at my desk at work.

I've had three bouts of pneumonia in the last two years.

My skin has gone from pretty trouble free to being covered with eczema patches, and I've developed a whole slew of allergies to things that are just part of life, like tap water -- try buying enough distilled water every day to shower and shave (I don't, but I'm allergic to something in the tap water -- we're trying to figure out what it is).

And I went from 135 pounds to 118 -- my former lover thought I was skinny at 135.

My liver and kidneys are beginning to show their damage. I don't make a lot of money. The medications I currently take would be beyond unaffordable if it weren't for a fairly decent health insurance program at my work; if I begin to suffer from serious organ deficiency or, god forbid, failure, there would be nothing between me and the Pearlies if I hadn't been able to get work with companies that insure their employees. That's something for the youngsters to chew on -- how many retail stores, especially the trendy, single-door types, insure their employees? How many bars, cafes, messenger services? How many companies in general, for that matter, insure their employees? Being young and carefree often means not paying attention to things like health and dental benefits, but how are they going to feel if they get infected and can't get coverage?

My social life is gone. I'm always afraid of an accident with the diarrhea, and I can't drink any more at all -- not wine, not beer, certainly not liquor -- although I never did drink much. Now, alcohol just makes me sick. The AZT has made my fingernails fall out once already, and they look and feel like they're getting ready to do it again. I also have "chemo hair" -- not much, with no body, and no life. My doctor and I agree that we don't want to change the medications -- I can't face having to go through a whole new set of physical miseries, and there's nothing like a guarantee that a new combination would keep the HIV in check.

All that is the negative. Of course, there is positive. I am grateful to be alive, and to be able to do some good in the world in a small way. I still enjoy little things even if I can't do the big stuff anymore. When my stomach's okay, I still like to cook and to eat. And once in a while, I can actually get over the physical pain and get some satisfaction in a decent jerk-off. So it's not all bad. But anyone who says the HIV has become a manageable disease like diabetes or high blood pressure is just plain not speaking from experience. Take it from the cranky old fella. It ain't no bed of roses.

A JMG Reader.....

Rock 'n' Roll

I'm out again! Last night (Weds) took my life in my hands and went to Portsmouth, which is a bit rough to say the least, to the New Musical Express Rock 'N' Roll Riot tour to see The Fratellis. A great three-piece band from Glasgow, Scotland. And weren't they good! It was a real rock concert, sweaty, beer fuelled, adrenalin buzz. The crowd was student-y & friendly and the Guildhall is a fantastic venue. Old style, none of your air conditioning rubbish & with queue's five deep round the bars + plenty of eye candy. The thing which struck me was the venue was non-smoking, and by and large people took notice. It is a refreshing change to come out of a place and not smelling like an old ashtray. Cause I was driving I only had a pint of Guiness so I supplemented it with a Grapefruit J in the lock-ups. Jeezus I fell out of that toilet. Still the atmosphere was so good you could get off on that.
The Fratellis are very good, try some stuff on Limewire first and if you like get the CD. They did a great encore with a mash up of Goldfrapp/T-Rex songs. Brilliant.

As Ozzy says "Rock 'n' Roll" :)

Tuesday update - stardom awaits

In an act of desperation the last applicants for Frobisher's Harem (male division) attempt to sway the judge

Well its been a busy one again. Saturday me and Marilyn (friendly neighbour) went to Poole to the filming of "Real Deal" with David 'The Duke' Dickenson. Basically what happens is that you take your antiques down, if they like them you get the opportunity to meet an "expert" in front of the cameras. The expert will offer you a price - if your not happy you have the option of taking your stuff to auction. Of course Marilyn & myself were fast tracked, obviously v. photogenic. We had some dreadful queen valueing our goods and only offered us £20 for my clock and M's picture! Cheeky cunt. David jumped in and accused him of being tight (he wishes) and advised us to go to auction.
So on November 21st we're off to Cottees Auction house in Wareham to be filmed again for the auction! Don't forget to programme your VCR's for my TV debut (we don't count Crimewatch). Will give you plenty of notice, it goes out on Monday's at 2.30pm, haven't got the exact date yet.
I do hope some talent scouts will be watching, I felt strangely at home with all the cameras, lights and free coffee - TV stardom beckons.

Fumar Con Dios

When i go to work, I work all day, always turns out the same
When I bring home my hard earned pay
I spend all my money on Mary Jane

Mary Jane, Mary Jane, lord my Mary Jane

Oh if a man should look tame now,
They all turn out the same
'Cause they can't do nothing to make a man feel good
Like my old Mary Jane

Mary Jane, Mary Jane, lord my Mary Jane

When I'm feeling lonesome and I'm feeling blue
There's only one way to change
Now I walk down the street looking for a man
One that knows Mary Jane
'Cause I never knew what happiness was till I met Mary Jane

Mary Jane, Mary Jane, lord my Mary Jane

"Mary Jane" by Bessie Smith (1936)

Halloween Ecstacy

Whoa! little late posting - went to Mel's Haloween bash on Saturday night - what a hoolie, nice to see Mitch & Paul and even Princess Fiona was entertaining! Good white trash crowd. Got absolutely trollied, made it till 3 and wrote off Sunday completely. Tried these herbal ecstacy pills, worked v. well, if a little "mongy" tho' the grapefruit & booze helpled. Not much to post really, the "hareem" applicants are flooding in (well 2) so first auditions this weekend.

Chilly out isn't it? Winter has arrived.