May Day Musings - Nutz to you!

Well another Bank Holiday and another crap weather front. Its Sunday and cold and cloudy and it looks the same for tomorrow. I didn't get out of bed till midday after a late night. My sinus problem is getting worse (I wonder if I have hayfever? teeth ache/headache/and blocked painful nose) - I wouldnt mind but only had a couple of drinks last night. Got a BBQ to go to at 5-ish this afternoon, not really bothered about going but when Im there my miserable mood will lift. Wondering what to take and then remember the famous Vodka Cherry Tomato recipe:-

1. Punnet of Cherry Tomatoes.
2. Happy Shopper Vodka
3. Garlic and Sea Salt
4. 1 tbsp Worcestershire sauce (optional)
5. juice of half a lemon

This is simplicity itself - prick the tomatoes all over with a cocktail stick and marinate in the vodka, juice and garlic and chill. Remember the longer you leave them the more vodka they will absorb. Sprinkle with sea salt and then servce. And the tomatoes count towards your "5 a day" fruit and vegetable allowance! Enjoy!

Had a nasty experience the other day. Had lunch with my good friend Gos, and after coffee decided to go for a walk before the afternoon drag at work. Walking past an open air cark park I saw a Traffic Warden (or Meter Maid in USA) writing tickets.

"Get a proper job!" I shouted at him. Me and Gos were in fits of laughter as we walked away and could hear him shouting something back. I looked back and then saw this Warden running down the road after us! We just stopped and he mumbled something about it being cowardly to make comments. I was in a beligerant mood and just stared at him. He was then lost for words and looked me and Gos up and down and said:-

"I see, safety in numbers" and then walked off. Silly bastard. I suppose you must have a lack of humour to do that job in the first place. We carried on walking - still laughing.

Nuts to traffic wardens! and look at these beauties. I must get some for my Daihatsu just to warn people not to mess with me.

They come (excuse pun) in all the colours of the rainbow and are an ideal gift for the man in your life or a lesbian friend. Order from

www.nutsfortruck.com

See y'all. over and out.

Frobishers Country Kitchen - Beast strength Moonshine

Well it's BBQ time of year again and the usual suspects will be flocking round to eat and drink me out of house and home. Do you know some c*nt actually bought a packet of Tesco's Value sausages as their contribution and proceeded to wolf down my Jerk Chicken kebabs! I know many of you are in the same circumstances so I have decided to share my famous "Beast" strength Alcohol Pop which will set you back £3 for over 4 litres and be ready in a week!

No brewing equipment needed and all your ingredients easily available from Wilkinsons or homebrew shops. Here we go!

1. 5 litre still mineral water (Asda 99p)
2. 1 sachet containing wine yeast + yeast nutrients to make 4.5 litres (approx 50p)
3. 3 lemons (32p)
4. Orange concentrate to make up to 4.5 litres (or you can use Soda Stream sachets (33p) or even concentrated Ribena.

Instructions:- remove about half a litre of water from the mineral water container leaving 4.5 litres in the container in the container (this leaves enough space for the fermentation to take place). Squeeze the lemons into a glass - remove pips. Pour juice into the mineral water bottle. Add the yeast and let it float on the top (don't bother stirring it will mix in its own time). Leave for a few minutes then add half a kilo of sugar.

Screw the top on and agitate to get the sugar to dissolve. Then undo top and replace lightly but NOT air tight (otherwise it will build up CO2 and explode). You can use a fermentation lock if you want to be flash.

Leave for 7 days to ferment and settle. If you have someone like MrC coming to the BBQ add another half bag of sugar and leave another 7 days for BEAST STRENGTH. When your hooch has fully fermented and settled then gently pour the liquid into bottles/containers. BEAST strength is about 15% alcohol and the 7 day brew will be about 7-8%. You can drink it neat or use it as a base for punch/cocktails, neat will give you about 18 glasses worth and will cost about 18p a glass *hic*.

Enjoy!!! Murhahahahahahahaha

Sweet Dreams

Local Elections coming up

Illegal wars, rising taxes, peerage-for-cash scandels, ID cards, NHS "reforms". A vote for Labour is a vote for all these things.

Pheasant spotting

Nobody noticed the pheasant in the picture of the last post! Its v. clever and comes and eats under the bird table.

Cockerel says they are better when they are well hung. Fancy.

This is my cat, Mr Stinks. The little thug killed a pigeon the other week and then dragged it through the cat flap and proceeded to pluck it in the hallway. Im not sure I like cats - always demanding, turning their nose up at food, pestering you and leaving hair everywhere.

Easter in Dorset

Well after a hellish week at work it was Good Friday. Mr C invited me to his trailer in the depths of the Dorset countryside - I accepted of course, it was that or having to do DIY around the house. Got up there about lunchtime the forecast for the w/end was high temperatures and sunny, so I knew we'd be in for shit weather. Took the dogs for a walk and then hit Tescos in Blandford for booze & supplies. I did a wonderful pork casserole with gnocchi? (funny little balls of potato and flour) - well it filled a gap anyway.
Fuelled by a few gin and tonics & couple of fat lines (I know, I know, never again till the next time) later we ventured down to the local pub, the White Horse at Stourpaine. What a great pub! they had a singer on who covered everyone from Neil Diamond to Bob Marley. I was drinking pints of "Fousty Ferret" or something like that, it hit the spot anyway. A few "foxes" at the pub - did quite a bit of windows shopping. Everything going well till MrC knocked over a wrought iron candle holder sending it flying accross the floor. Bitch of a barmaid got the landlady, who was cool about it although my comment about using kitchen roll and an iron to get the wax up was ignored. Can't help some people.
Anyway(?) managed to get back to the caravan and flaked out. I ended up sleeping with two dogs, Alfie and Lloyd (see pics)

It was a disturbed night, Alfie is a big dog and seemed to think he should have most of the bed, Lloyd was ok, in fact very warm, but a bit flatulent, gnocchi I think, you could have cut the air with a knife. So woke up Saturday with a gale-force hangover and methane poisoning. It was off to the point-to-point races at Bradbury Rings in the afternoon. Jackie came and picked MrC and myself up and off we went. I was in automatic pilot as still feeling a bit fragile.
Well, the races were ok - made our way to the beer tent for a "hair of the dog" or more like "hair of the wooly mamoth". Sank a couple of pints of Guiness. The crowd was very "nouvous country" - wax jackets, tweed, flat caps, green wellies were the order of the day. In fact if you didn't have a 4x4 you weren't anyone. Drizzled with light rain, but good fun.















Did get collared by this horsey woman asking me to sign a petition supporting fox hunting, I lied and said that I had signed earlier - I am not pro-hunting but couldn't have faced an argument with her. Plus they would have probably dragged me round the muddy field by my ankles tied to the back of a Range Rover, I know when to keep it buttoned.
On the way out Jackie managed to hit the 4x4 in front of us twice, causing the woman to have a screaming fit at us. I slunk down in the seat, head in my hands.
Back in town now and a nice, warm, dog-free bed. Bliss. And still another day to go till work!

Frobishers Easter Joy

Well the nipples are supposed to twitch up and down . . . ah well. Been a hellish week at work, all work and no play working thru my lunch breaks and getting home exhausted. Thank goodness Ive now got four days off in a row, yay!

*wonders what to do*

Bad news about Easter

Sunday Sermon

PSALMS 104:14 which says "He causeth the grass to grow for the cattle and herb for the service of man that he may bring forth food out of the earth"

Well that settles it then, perhaps this religion thing isn't too bad. Can't wait for the God Squad to knock on the front door.

Should have stayed in bed

Y'know sometimes you wish you'd stayed in bed. Woken at the unearthly hour of 7.30am by the guy next door clanking about with his aluminium ladder - painting the house at 7.30! I wouldn't trust myself up a ladder at that hour.

Dentist appointment at 9am. Kept waiting till 9.30am. Seems I need two fillings *damn* had a good run and this is the first filling for a few years.

"Would you like white fillings?"

How much?

"£68 pounds for the left, £58 for the right"

Eek! think I'll stick to metal ones, thank you.

"Ordinary fillings or low-mercury ones?"

Err . . . low mercury I suppose.

Well, it cost me £15.50 for the appointment (up from £5 as of the 1st April), two amalgam fillings £60 and had my arm twisted for a hygienist, £27 for twenty minutes. A grand total of £102.50 - and I am a NHS patient as well. Jeezus! what would it be if I was totally private! Bastards.

Got to work and a line of stupid people waiting for me with problems. I need a holiday. Leave comments at your peril.

Happy Birthday Piggy!

Highs and Lows

For every action there is a re-action, for every up there is a down, for every high a low - such is life.

Well firstly congratulations to Peter Pumpkin and James. After 7+ years together James popped the question and my old disco-sister Peter immediately said "Yes". They will be celebrating their union with a civil ceremony on Sunday 28th May at a wooshy do at a plush hotel in Sandbanks. Of course I will be there as one of Pete's oldest friends (not the oldest obviously, but someone who's known him the longest length of time). The order of the day is as follows:-

11am Breakfast rolls on the Quay.
11.30am Coach pick-up from the Quay.
11.35am Coach pick-up from the Crows Nest Pub.
12.30pm Arrive at the hotel.
1pm Ceremony
1.30 Champagne and Canapes.
4.30pm Coach pick-up for return journey to Swanage.
5.30pm Arrive in Swanage for Seafood BBQ, Thai buffet and evening reception (disco dancing is required, dress code:- red carpet chic).

Phew, between 1.30 and 4.30 I will be guzzling Champers and scoffing canapes, they will have to carry me onto the coach. Luckily staying with Mel in Swanage that night so not far to collapse. Should be a great do and put Elton & David's little soiree to shame. Of course there will be problems - baldy Peter will have to have the veil velcroed or superglued to his head as there is nothing to keep it there. I expect a rugby scrum when the bouquet is thrown but the smart money is on me to catch it. Also, my suggestion for a chief bridesmaid fell on deaf ears, never mind I will dress to impress anyway.

Back to reality (the lows) a lot of talk of redundancies at work and already the Promotions dept. has been told there will be cuts. We have been given more crap work to do with no regard to when we will get time to do it, also there is going to be a department by department review of staffing levels *groan* Its not like the company is not making money, they just want to make more of it. I blame the managing director, obviously trying to make a name for himself, cunt. It's not the best paid job I've ever had but it has been stable over the last 10 years, and I really am not looking forward to going back on the job market. Was going to move house this year, all that is on hold now. Honestly, being an employee these days is grim and the rumour mill at work is on overdrive - people whispering in corners, etc. They get through Youth Trainees like tissues, keeping them for a few months and then rather than take them on they get rid of them and get another one. Sad.

Still if I end up on the "sausage roll" I will have a lot more time for blogging. Every cloud has a silver lining. Toodle Pip!