Lazy Bastards!

Frobisher worked tirelessly during the recent Commonwealth games - over and above the call of duty.

I see that Council workers are going on strike tomorrow they are unhappy about having to work till 65 before they can retire on their generous state pensions. Well, boo hoo millions of private sector workers have always been in that boat. Union officials are confident public opinion is with them - fuck is it. They already have more job security, better wages and in many cases unending sick pay. Bastards. Get back to work you scum.

Friday on my mind

"Bareback Piggy Party" - thats put a horrible image in my mind. Well, looks like pictures are back on! Been taking some great pictures:- personal hankie code, mr cockerel's new trailer, wildlife at the birdtable, underwear shots, etc. but the moment has passed now. Off to Dorset again this Sat. so promise to get some up-to-date ones.

On a more worrying note, Tracy Williams was ordered yesterday to pay £10,000 damages to UKIP candidate Keith Smith for libel. Tracy called him "lard brain" "nonce" a Nazi and accused him of sexually harassing a female co-worker. When he sought to discover her identity and begin court proceedings she continued the abuse, calling him a "racist bigot" and "maggot". Hmm, this has worrrying implications for us Bloggers. Libel law is usually applied to newspapers/tv where the ordinary person can correct a wrong directed against them by an all-powerful media/person. The success of blogs is the ability for people to have free speech, all uncensored and abusive if necessary. Seen that advert on TV about is the internet being a good thing/bad thing? Governments, big corporations, some media regard it as dangerous, in fact George Bush recently said he was worried about the "subversive nature" of blogs. This stupid judge Alistair MacDuff QC (shit, that's me banged up for 6 mths) has opened the gates to many frivolous legal actions also the possible censorship of sites.

I have a horrible feeling Kerry Katona will be taking action against me. You can't get shit out of a Rocking Horse Kerry!

testing . . . testing

well that didn't work either - blogger is officially crap! least i know its not a problem with the computer

Damn damn damn

STILL can't post any images and pictures. Getting riled now, will try on someone else's system tonight just in case its my computer - but I think it's Blogger, bastards.

I know it must be frustrating for you all but please bear with me at this difficult time.

A Day Out in Dorrrrseet

*Groan* was going to do a lovely post about my day out in Dorset including Sunday Lunch at the village pub, Mr Cockerel's new trailer and some pictures of the countryside, wildlife etc. but at the moment pictures aren't loading up. Seem to be getting problems checking other peoples blogs as well. Fecking computers.

Happy St Patrick's Day

Happy St Patricks day! Although a Roman Catholic festival (doesn't it make you sick the way religion creeps into everything?) the rest of us can enjoy it as well. I will be supping a few cans of Guiness tonight and may have a traditional Irish supper, a few old spuds and some cabbage. Mind you, Guiness seems to block me up, must be all the iron in it.

Kerry's at it again

Kerry Katona out shopping again. Drunken bitch. (thanks to OK magazine for photo, used (of course) without permission).

Another Courgette Surprise

Ha ha ha!

16 questions

I've been tagged by Tazzy and Piggy and it's my first one ever so bear with me on this. I would also like to tag Mr Cockerel and Beast, it'll make interesting reading with those two (after 9pm watershed of course). Let's get back to me, here we go


1. If you were to be re-incarnated, who or what would you want to come back as and why?
I do believe in re-incarnation and think we have all had previous lives. I would like to experience coming back as a girlie. Childbirth would be interesting and also going out and getting free drinks off horny boys would be a plus. And when you get caught shoplifting you can always blame it on "PMT - the time of the month" and get away with a smack on the hand.

2. Whats the nastiest thing youve ever done to a friend?
I suppose letting a friend down when they really needed me - was a long time ago and I still feel bad - luckily the friendship survived.

3. What is your FIRST memory (and dont say I cant remember)?
I don't think you can really remember too much from an early age - "false memory syndrome" relatives telling you what you got up too, etc. I DO remember pulling all the heads of daffodils in the garden, must have been 3/4 years old.

4. Whats the most embarrassing thing youve ever done when pissed/blind drunk?
Ooo, too many to mention. Shitting in a milk bottle and leaving it on someone's doorstep still brings a smile to my face, I actually did that a few times.

5. Your 3 best and worst qualities?
Best:- Generous, err . . loyal, forgiving nature
Worse:- Impatient of people, dismissive, over indulgent

6. If you can change one thing about your partner. What is it? And what is the thing you would NOT be happy to change about them?
Well (strangely) single at the mo' so in general terms - A bigger cock. Not happy to change would be their personality, which is probably why I was with them in the first place.

7. Have you ever taken drugs (illegal)?
Taken rather a lot of drugs in my life. Started off at school with a joint on the playing fields, threw up and passed out. Moved on the amphetamines & blues (speed) in my late teens, then LSD (acid) for a couple of years. Then in the late 80's started going to raves and taking Ecstacy which went on for years. Nowadays just like smoking weed for medicinal reasons. Never done Heroin or really wanted to. Has taking drugs improved my life? no, but had some great laffs on the way.

8. Your perfect night/day?
Sounds a bit corny but my Mum died 10 months ago and we got on really well. Y'know going for a pub meal with her then for a walk in a park watching a bit of TV later. Silly, everyday things with people you love makes for perfect nights/days.

9. Have you ever had anything up your bum that aint human?
Yes

10. Three things that make you really angry?
Cruelty to animals. Multinational corporations ripping us off or jeopardizing our health. Financial advisors under 30yrs old.

11. The saddest thing youve ever seen on TV?
Agreed, the Diana funeral was a tear jerker. Also was really affected by watching the Bradford Football Club fire live on TV as it was happening. Nobody realised what was going on and then seeing people on fire running onto the pitch. Terrible.

12. Apart from a sexual organ/region, which part of your body do you really liked being touched by a partner?
Ear Lobe, especially chewed.

13. Your fave jelly flavour?
I think it might be orange.

14. Tell everyone something you have been too ashamed to tell anyone before. Your answer to this will guarantee your entry into Heaven.
'Suppose it have to be the time I was arrested on my 21st birthday, I was v. drunk and off my head on blues. Staggered into this battle between the Police and some army thugs. Saw a friend in a paddy wagon and in my befuddled condtion thought I would "rescue" them. Unfortunately I fell on a policeman, next thing I know I'm in the cells. I was remanded in custody at Pucklechurch Remand Centre for a week. I remember my Mum and Sister visiting me, I was so ashamed - my Dad refused to come. I was fined for being Drunk and Disorderly, the charge of assaulting a police officer was dropped.

15. Something you do no tell your partner, or do enough and know that you should.
I probably never told them I loved them. And the partners I did tell 'I love You' I probably didn't.

16. You are a cunt. Explain why.
Don't think I am one, an all round good egg. Can be when I want to be sometimes . . .

Frobishers Country Kitchen - Courgette Surprise

Here is a delicious recipe for Courgette Surprise, a tasty vegetarian dish guaranteed to annoy the carnivores at your table. Also good value in Courgette season when they are cheap and plentiful.
Ingredients:-
3 tblspoons of cheap Olive Oil (Lidl) (if you're a Northerner you can change this to lard)
2 onions sliced
1 and a half pounds Courgettes
2 garlic cloves
6 tomatoes, skinned and chopped
1 tbl spoon of tomato puree
salt and pepper
1 bottle of Happy Shopper vodka
TOPPING: One and a half pounds spuds, boiled and mashed
4 spring onions, finely chopped & 2 tbsps olive oil (or lard)
4 tbsps of milk

Fry onions and courgettes in for 10 mins, pour yourself a large vodka, add garlic, tomatoes, tom. puree and season. Simmer for 5 minutes then turn into a 1.5 litre overproof dish.
Beat together mashed potatoes, spring onions, oil, milk, seasoning and then spread over the courgette mixture. Draw picture in the mashed potato for a laugh. Pop in the oven gas mark 6, 200C for 30 to 40 minutes until golden. Serve immediately as main dish. Have another vodka - it will help when you are trying to choke the meal down.
Any courgettes left? I always save the largest one for party games after the meal, but please make sure that they are not over ripe as they are liable to snap off. Happy Cooking.
Next week: An inexpensive way to cook up crack cocaine in your microwave with baking powder to sell to schoolkids.

Let's get behind our boys this Saturday

Ben Cohen (above) clearly annoyed about questions concerning his steamy relationship with Frobisher. See the News of the World this sunday:- "Fucked and left for Dead - Frobisher's amazing escape on the English Rugby Coach"

Don't forget people the glorious English Rugby team will be playing France this Saturday. After a little "hiccup" the other week when we weren't giving our all against the dirty-playing Scottish. This is a chance to get back to where we belong - at the top. If you see a clone screaming "C'mon! Let's Be 'Aving You" ala Deliah Smith on the pitch at half time it will probably be me.

Mr C xxx pages

Mr C xxx pages

Does that come with Rice?

Stewed Cat Meat with Winter

Bamboo Shoots

1. Boil the cat meat and bamboo shoots separately.

2. Heat oil in a wok, add minced garlic, grated orange peel, chopped ginger and cat meat and fry quickly. Add chicken stock to cover, salt and bean sauce.

3. When the cat meat is cooked, add the winter bamboo shoots and pepper.

Serve hot.

This is an actually recipe from the Guangdong province in southern China. The Chinese have for centuries eaten a startling range of animals including lizards, snakes, dogs, insects, etc. In fact there is virtually nothing which won't be considered for lunch. I for one will not touch Dim Sum dumplings - had them once and for the life of me couldn't work out what was inside, scary.

What is also worrying is that we have had some Chinese students move in next door but one. My cat, "Stinks", is probably safe as he's not very meaty - but hopefully they will chow down on that feckin' black cat opposite and also that manky Burmese tom of Marilyn's down the road which keeps crapping in the garden. I can think of at least half a dozen cats in my road which deserve to end up in the wok - I'm sure they would be very tasty.

Guess where I'm going on my Hols?

Good morning everyone, been a bit lazy last week as haven't bothered posting. I will try to do better this week. Will be posting about seeing Goldie Looking Chain last Thurs. and the farce of a "do" which was the firm's awards night on Friday (still bitter about missing Coronation Street) - and I was cruelly snubbed again this year when the prizes were given out. Bah!

Objects of Hate Series: Kerry Katona

The next victim of the Objects of Hate Series is Kerry Katona (ex. McFadden). Kerry is one of those annoying "celebrities" whose whole existence is due to those trashy A4 magazines which litter the newsagents shelves eg:- Now, Heat, Star, Turd, etc. Titles such as "Kerry gets Divorced" "Kerry loses two stone" "My Drugs Hell by Kerry" "Kerry's Fab New Slimline Look" "I was Ripper's Love Child:- Kerry's Amazing Claim". You know the score.
So what has this woman done to deserve such column inches? Well, not a lot. She was born in Warrington, Cheshire, and had a unsettled childhood - four different sets of foster parents and eight different schools. She then moved into glamour modelling using her best assets, a pair of HUGE tits. She then became one-third of Atomic Kitten leaving them in February 2001 to give birth to her daughter, Molly. Atomic Kitten went on to have their biggest hit "Whole Again" after she left.

Marriage to Brian McFadden (the fat one in Westlife) followed in January 2002, and they went on to have another kid in February 2003. Kerry then decided she was a TV personality and hosted a shit show called 'Elimidate' which was pulled after six episodes. A few more non-descript pilots followed and all bombed. Then she got a lucky break actually winning "I'm a Celebrity Get me Out of Here" and was suddenly everywhere. The tables soon turned and divorce from Brian followed. An autobiography "Story of a Survivor" bombed.

Fast forward to today and she is the face of Iceland frozen food supermarkets, helping to sell unhealthy, high-sugar, high-salt, processed crap to busy Mums. The lurid tabloid headlines are still coming:- 'Kerry pinches friends fiance' 'Kerry involved in catfight in Panama Jack's in Warrington' 'Kerry's drinking alarms Friends'. And walking through Superdrug today I saw the latest one:- 'Kerry's Engagement Joy'. Pass the sickbag, I just wait for the divorce story (sold to the highest bidder of course).

Kerry Katona is good friends with Jordan and represented by Max Clifford, Publicist. Please flush the chain.